Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
