I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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