You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
