I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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