I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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