are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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