I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
