why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
