We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize