at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
