But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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