Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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