i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
