i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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