i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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