I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
