yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
