Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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