It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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