In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
