so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
