At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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