i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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