U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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