She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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