Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
