Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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