I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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