Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
