hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
