did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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