When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
