Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she woke up with a sticky ear
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you will always have a special place in my vag
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
