I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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