a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
