She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
