Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
