okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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