White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
