When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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