booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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