why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize