I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
