Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
