i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
