I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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