I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
