I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
