apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
