I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Randomize