i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
