what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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