I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
