I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
