i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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