After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
