After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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