I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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