After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
