As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
