I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
