im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
