Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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