I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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