Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Vodka?
Forever.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
