She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
