My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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