I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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