i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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