thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
