smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize