I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
And then he peed in my hair
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