I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he puts the penis in happiness.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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