Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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