I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
