He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
