Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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