i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
