And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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