My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
