I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
