i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
