Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
