He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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