i just wanna soil my oats bro
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
