im drinking this country out of the recession.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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