That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
