ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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