Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
