i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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