so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
