What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
