Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
