I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize