You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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