In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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