It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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