Define "chronic" masturbator.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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