Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
