theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
