Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize