There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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