My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
