I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
