I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
