Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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