The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
