Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
