Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
