your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We have started to decorate penises.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
